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pain. {part one}

April 13, 2012

I lost a friend two weeks ago.  She was a beautiful, intelligent, creative mother of three.  Her name was Dimple and she had gorgeous dark skin and this amazing black hair that was probably three feet long.  When she smiled (which she didn’t do enough) her face would just glow.

And she was addicted to heroin.

Life had not been kind to Dimple.  She was born in Mumbai and was orphaned at a young age.  Along with her brother, she was adopted by an Indian family in the States at the age of four.  That brother went on to abuse her during her formative years and her adoptive father was verbally abusive.  She got in to a string of bad relationships that gave her three beautiful kids, and finally she found our friend John.  They loved each other and were trying to get clean together, but the pain was too much for her to deal with sober.

Gil and I had been walking with John & Dimple for the past few months after we met them at church.  My husband is one of the most compassionate people I know and his care for the hurting drew in these two.  We would hang out with them and listen to their stories, pained by what they both had gone through in their short lives.  There were times when I wanted to hold and cry with them, and then times that I wanted to shake them into reality and forcibly make them give up the addictions.

I was at a rehearsal for our church’s Easter program when I got a call from a number I didn’t recognize.  For some reason I answered and heard strange noises coming from the other end.  I couldn’t make sense of what was happening.  I asked the caller who they were and John finally identified himself through sobs.  He said, “Here, talk to the chaplain.”  That made absolutely no sense to me.  A man’s voice came on and said, “Dimple has passed away.”

Gil and I had been fighting that morning about something stupid, but we got in the car together silently after I had explained to him what had happened.  We arrived at the house that they had been staying at with five other people; cop cars were parked around the circle and a chaplain met us as we were walking in.  He said something about a possible overdose.  As we entered the house, we saw John sitting on a ratty old couch.  When he saw us he just started weeping and we couldn’t help but join him.

These past couple of weeks have been some of the hardest in my life.  John came to stay with us so that he could be with friends who cared while he grieved.  We tried the best we could to be Jesus to him, but the addiction made it so difficult to get through to him.  We planned to admit him to detox and then our church was going to sponsor him to go to a year long rehab program.  He got through a day of the detox and then removed himself from the program.

I have cried, cussed and gotten more angry in these past couple of weeks than I have been ever in my life.

I got angry at myself for not having done more for Dimple and John before all of this happened.  I regret not pursuing them more and feel guilty about her death.

I got angry at Dimple for being so stupid with her body and for overdosing on heroin and pain killers while she thought she was pregnant.  (The coroner reported that she wasn’t pregnant, but John & Dimple thought she had been.)

I got angry time and time again at John who lied to us about his drug use in our house and about the details of Dimple’s death.

I got angry at Gil because….well, just because of all the stress.

I got angry at the stupid remarks people make about death and God’s involvement in it (more on that in another post to come).

But through all the anger, somehow I got a little more insight into God’s heart for humanity.

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. Meikjn permalink
    April 13, 2012 1:58 pm

    people underestemate the damage of abuse. It is mind altering,and suffocating. people also say crap about God and death. especially with reguards to addicts and the disabled. a friend of mine lost her son last month in an accident. He was Autistic, and like so many other disabled children was a danger to himself. People are incredibly insensitive about her pain. She knew his potential in a way others don’t understand. God put us all on the earth for a purpose. We are all incredibly valuble. It stinks that people hurt themselves and others, but God can redeem us, and people DO change. It bothers me that some people assume they are better somehow. A common one is for people to say “I am so glad God trusted me with my children” If that were true than God would never give children to abusive parents. it is not as if God thinks some of us should be parents over others. We all have to change. I belive that in spite of everything God uses what he has. We can become healed and perfected becasue of Christ. and God can use even the worst of things to teach and move us in the right direction. I am truly sorry for your loss, and hope her husband can use dimple’s death to learn.

    being loving and respectful is not the same thing as trusting. that I something I remind myself of often when dealing with people who don’t want to change.

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    • April 13, 2012 3:39 pm

      Thanks for your thoughts Meikjn….I appreciate how you express things. I too believe that people change and that God’s plan is redemption, it’s just so hard to figure out how to get there sometimes.

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  2. JD McGinley permalink
    April 13, 2012 5:52 pm

    Candace, I am so sorry! I had prayed with John and Dimple probably for more than a dozen times. I assumed since I had not heard from them for awhile that they were doing better. I called both John and Dimple a number of times after meeting them at church. It seemed as if every time she called she was desperate and all I could do was continue to encourage her to turn to Jesus. I am so sad right now, I had no clue. Unfortunately, I have been struggling for the last month and a half with severe pain issues. I am speechless, I can only pray that John and the children will keep their eyes on the Lord. In the meantime I mourn with you, Gil, John and the rest of the family. Love you!

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  3. Des permalink
    April 13, 2012 7:30 pm

    Candace,
    Thank you for sharing this process you have been walking through and still are. I love you girl, and my heart aches with yours. I will keep you, Gil and John in my prayers.

    Thank you for sharing your heart and being real.
    -Des

    Like

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